Lap Dance Lacy
A disastrous movie date where one person wanted cuddles, and the other just wanted the plot.
Sometimes, Netflix and chill is just wanting to relax and watch a movie with a date or loved one. A few years ago, the term became synonymous with becoming far less clothed than you were before the movie started. Hopefully. Unless you watch movies sans clothing. Then you may have a different set of priorities.
One evening, a girl named Lacy invited me over to her place for a movie and popcorn. No fancy dinner. No night out. Just snuggling in front of her little flatscreen while watching a movie of our choice.
When I arrived, she greeted me with a warm smile and tight hug, then sat me on the couch with a giggly fervor. She was not unattractive, but was certainly more excited than I expected her to be. It was a movie date, but she was all worked up like I had proposed a long term relationship at the door.
“So, what movie you wanna watch?” She plopped down on the couch next to me, making sure there was no space between our thighs. Kinda close.
“Uh, what streaming services do you have?” I scooted a half centimeter over, giving our legs some breathing room.
“Let’s see.” She placed her hair behind her ear, leaning forward and flipping through the buttons on her smart TV. Netflix. Hulu. Peacock. HBO. All the normal streaming services. Expensive. “How about Netflix?”
“Sure! There’s tons to watch on there.” I leaned back on the couch. This was followed by her immediately placing her head on my shoulder. I didn’t mind leaning into that moment when snuggling naturally occurred, but I had a deep rooted, icky suspicion that something about her pace was too rapid given the context. I ignored that suspicion. A pretty girl was leaning on my shoulder. Back then I enjoyed the attention.
“Ooh how about this one?!” She squeaked and clicked on a random movie I didn’t even have time to read. What about the movie being OUR choice?
A whimsical score erupted from her suddenly blaring TV as snow drifted across a wide, sweeping tundra. Sadly, I don’t remember the movie’s title, but it was something to do with sled dogs. That’s as far as I got before my view was suddenly interrupted.
Suddenly, my view was blocked entirely. I shouldn’t have gasped.
“You like that?” Lacy said, fully completing her straddle.
“Uhm.” I didn’t know what else to say as she leaned forward and attempted to whisper in my ear. Dogs barked in the background as a guy mushed them through the snow. In my right ear, I heard the music’s epic score followed by comical narration. In my left ear, I heard breathing. It was like watching two very different films simultaneously. I preferred the one in my right ear.
“You can touch me.” She said, leaning back and cupping her own twins. “I won’t bite.”
The drain of disappointment began to drip through my expression. It wasn’t that Lacy wasn’t attractive, nor was it that under the right circumstances I wouldn’t have wanted this kind of affection. But this wasn’t affection. This was a lonely girl who hadn’t been attended to in who knows how long just trying to get a fix. I wasn’t the kind of guy to provide that “fix”.
“So…what movie is this?” I completely ignored her question and tried to watch the little sliver of black and white smidgeon of a movie under her elbow.
Unprompted she decided to visit my downstairs compartment. She slowly caressed the trap door with her slender fingers, but nothing was going to answer the call. My sense of disappointment must have been contagious because she started showing symptoms.
“Oh.” She said, then slowly scooted back towards my knees. “What’s going on?” She said, looking down there with her eyes. Her long, brown hair fell over her shoulders as she leaned forward.
“I’m not interested.” I replied coldly, missing the entire plot of the movie playing behind her. I’d have to watch it later.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” She started a fake, insincere giggle from the bowels of her sunken pride.
“You didn’t give me time to…”
“You’re GAY!” She threw her hands up in the air. “Should’ve known!”
“What?!” I exclaimed and sat up suddenly, accidentally tossing her to the side. Thankfully, the couch was big enough to where she stumbled onto a cushion instead of the hardwood floor.
“Hey!” She yelled out, clambering to stand up as I walked towards the door. “Where are you going?”
“I came here for a movie date.” I placed my hand on the doorknob. “I’m not gay. I’m just not interested in you.” I opened the door and walked out into the cold, wintry air. I could hear her huffing behind me, stomping her little bare feet across the floor before she slammed the door to my back.
Sometimes, the only chill you get with Netflix is the cold shoulder.
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